Monday Madness

… for Sellers part 2 …

Where would we be without you? Sellers are the ‘elephant in the room’ of real estate discussion. We talk about you, around you and through you but rarely to you in print or in spirit. Sellers deserve better, especially in these difficult times. Let’s hear it for the sellers!!!

Now I am about to disclose some techniques for selling that dog you call a home which aren’t approved by the Powers That Be. Recall that I am not an agent, broker or otherwise compromised by any ‘code of secrecy’ and that I am technically free to tell you what I know. Others, particularly those with a long joyous life ahead of them, may be afraid to disclose these techniques for fear of retribution; but today I have mustered just enough courage and vodka to brave the wrath of the real estate machine that suppresses these enriching truths.

Number One—location, location, location

Yeah, yeah; you think you know it all don’t you? Well look again. Location is not as simple as you may think. When Donald McK. of Happle, OH found his house difficult to sell in the year 1842, did he sit around and fret over it? Not Donald, he decided that location was his problem. After a quick study of pyramid building technology, he raised and moved his house 408 yards to a better location and sold it for more than he had originally asked.

Mrs. Pat O. of Pylor, MA had a similar location problem earlier this year. She had not the wherewithal to move the house, but her clever son was able to hack computers, phones, and, as it turns out, navigation satellites. In no time she found herself in a better neighborhood according to all the realty web sites and she got the money she surely deserved. There are many tales of location that are not spoken of in public. The simple re-orientation of a house, with the front to the other street can make a difference to the buyer that is money in the seller’s pocket.

Number Two—where is the value?

When you set a price on a house, how much of that is for the house itself and how much for the land it is on? Yes, you’ve thought of that, however irrelevant it may seem in a market driven environment. But what about the next step? How much are the other features of the property worth?

You know that certain classic old homes sell for much more than ordinary old homes of the same size. A home in the old part of town with a certain look about it can draw a certain type of buyer with aesthetic interests. But you can do better than that. Courageous though I am with my vodka and tonic, I cannot give the name, but a well known house right in our own fair San Diego has taken the next step. It was run down and ready for demolition a couple of decades ago when the owner received a flash of inspiration. A whisper here and there, a small gift to certain publishers, and soon a general awareness developed of the history of the house and the eminent citizen who died a terrible death within. In no time at all, neighbors were confirming strange visions and sounds around the house. Children were spreading frightening tales. A legend had begun! A couple of decades earlier and such rumors would have condemned the house, but in our time they only made it more attractive. That house has changed hands more than once since then and always at extreme premium prices. You’ve probably seen it on television and in movies.

Enough time has passed that we can tell the tale of Ephram & Bessie V. of our own San Diego mining town, Julian California. In the year 1858, with the gold mine past it’s prime and the Northern California gold rush essentially over, they decided to move back to Fort Lee, New Jersey to retire with the family they left behind. Trouble is, nobody was buying. Everyone was moving out. Long weeks and then months passed with nobody making an offer. Bessie came up with a plan—risky but worth a try.

The plan rolled into motion the very next week when a particularly well-heeled prospect came out from the city to see some Julian properties. He hadn’t been there 20 minutes when he found what looked like a gold nugget out back by the tool shed. “Oh, just ignore that” Bessie said with a toss of her head “we got so many shiny rocks ’round here it’s painful hard to get a garden growin’.” But this was no city bumpkin, he knew gold when he saw it. He tried hard to maintain composure as he made an offer he hoped wouldn’t be too suspiciously high. It looked like Ephram would go for it, but Bessie pushed for just a little more. That little nugget and the one by the mailbox out front had cost them all their savings, but it made for a nice fat sale.

Enough for this installment

My own peril at releasing these secrets be damned. If I have made life better for one seller in these difficult times, I can rest at peace. Today’s sellers, tilting at windmills as they are, should be counted heroic figures worthy of our respect and adulation. Should I have the strength and time, I may offer additional trade secrets in the weeks to come.

[Any truth to this column is purely coincidental and not to be taken at face value]