San Francisco: High Expectations at a Million Dollars

Here we have the deadly mix of a long-ignored house with sudden presto-magic improvements applied moments before the property hits the MLS. And frankly, at well over a million dollars, I expect more from a home. Yes, the size is estimated at 2,300 sq feet and you’d be less than a minute’s walk from the Golden Gate Park. But would you want to walk back? The recent remodel on this property does not successfully detract from the Winchester Mystery House quality of the layout, with strange “bonus spaces” attached to the kitchen and bedrooms that have no purpose beyond baffling the potential buyer. The kitchen seems like an after thought, for though it too has the sparkle of new surfaces and appliances, it’s no bigger than a walk in closet- which, I might add, none of the bedrooms offer. With no space to sit, you might decide to eat in the dining room, but beware the cottage cheese ceiling that threatens to scatter its suspect chemical snow on your meal. The unwarranted in-law, a single room with ancient stove and askew mirrored doors on its tiny closet does not promise much by way of rental income.

Out back, a nice deep yard has been forsaken, utterly unadorned but for a hastily constructed gazebo perfect for a wedding if you’re planning one. Plenty of room for guests to stand by without obstruction since not a single pesky flower has been planted.

The unwarranted in-law, a depressing single room with ancient stove and askew mirrored doors on its tiny closet does not promise much by way of rental income. Expect to spend another several thousand to make this house a functional home.

STATS:
Price: $1,080,000 (recently reduced from $1,188,000)
Location: 1262 34TH AVE, San Francisco, CA 94122
Last sale price: $730,000 (2003)
Square footage: not listed
Bedrooms: 3, Baths: 1.5